Dreaming

 I have dreams.

I want a puppy. 

Right? 

I do want a puppy, don't I? 

Honestly I'm not 100%. I love the idea of a puppy: soulful eyes, wagging tail, its eager grin when I walk in the door...But then I think about the reality of owning a puppy and I'm suddenly filled with trepidation: sad eyes following me woefully as I walk out the door...again; finding someone to keep him when we away for one too many days; potty breaks when the wind whips and the rain falls; walks when I would rather laze...

And there we go. That's what I do...day after day after day after ...

Last night Gina and Eric came over as the Husband just had surgery so they brought dinner and well-wishes. We'd just settled down for some good conversation when Gina whipped out her phone: Hey, do you wanna see a picture of our puppy?

First of all, let me say... I would not have said Gina is a dog lover. But? She's always wanted a Yorkie and through a series of events, someone is actually gifting her one. She's bringing it home on March 6 so the day of its arrival is getting close. Meanwhile, the current owner of the mama/puppies provides updated photos and such to keep Gina abreast of all things puppy until that day arrives.

So as we were chatting it up about the new puppy, Gina said, "Actually I kind of want a Great Dane to go with it."

Wait. What?

"Yeah," she said. "I think that would be so much fun: a Great Dane and a Yorkie! How cute is that?"

Earlier that day, I happened to see that someone posted two Great Dane puppies for sale, and so I mentioned this to Gina. We found the video the person posted and I could see the wheels turning about all of the possibilities. Later, after she and Eric were home, Gina sent a text: Still thinking about getting one of those Great Dane puppies!

But here's the thing. Gina and Eric are all-in with puppyville. They don't sit around for weeks - or months, in my case - mulling it over. They just make the decision and move forward. 

When I asked Gina about house breaking? She was matter-of-fact. No sweat!

What about when you leave for vacation? We'll find someone to watch the puppy. That shouldn't be too difficult.

Don't you feel guilty leaving it at home alone all day? It'll be fine!

Why can't I be so nonchalant? So carefree? It's just not the way I roll...with anything. Everything is a major undertaking, a deep consideration, a "thing" to be figured out. Pros and cons. Do I want it or do I not? 

Everything.

It's part of the beauty of being me, I guess.

I've always told Roy that's one of the reasons I love him: he makes a decision and moves forward. The end. Done. All in. No looking back.

But if left to my own devices, I'm all in...and then I'm not...and then I am...and then I'm not.

It's exasperating.

Sometimes it's just so damned hard being me.

But? Here we are...back at the beginning....

and dreaming about Cockapoo puppies.